Walking Into Sacred Union: The Rite of Passage Behind Getting Married

WALKING INTO SACRED UNION with another meant I had to first find union with all the parts of myself that I had not fully seen and loved.

I didn’t expect the journey leading up to our wedding to be so intense, transformative, and expansive. (In my head, we are already together for life — we have known this for so long. Nothing was truly going to change.)

While this is very true from one perspective, everything was also changing — because we chose it to. We chose to make this a rite of passage, a deeper embodiment of our own union with ourselves, and each other, at a soul level.

On our wedding day, we would not just be marrying each other. We would be marrying our light. Joining our energies as one, declaring our union in front of our loved ones, being witnessed and blessed… sending this powerful vortex of blessings into our lives, the family we are creating, the world.

The most sacred and important ceremony of my life. And I have experienced firsthand the power of ceremony, over and over again — to clear and integrate, to lift and expand, to blow open hearts, to set energies in motion that changes lives.

In my mind and heart, I was beyond excited and ready. But my body told a different story…

A month before the wedding, my back started feeling tight. Two weeks before the wedding, I pulled my back and couldn’t move much without support from Joel for 3 days. A few days later, Joel developed the same pain in his back, in the same spot, without having done anything he could think of to injure it.

It was so painful for both of us, we had to dive deeper into the core. Why is this coming up right now? How can we heal at the root, so we can be free of this pain?

We did a breathwork session, kinesiology session, and meditative hypnosis channeling for ourselves in the course of a few days. All of it confirmed what we had been feeling intuitively… This tightness was about our subconscious not wanting to let go of this chapter before walking into the next. It was NOT about the fear of the unknown of what’s next — it was about the fear of the known, coming to an end.

For me, it was a big and emotional energy that I hadn’t realized was there. The moment I started talking about it with my friend and maid of honor, Chrissy, I sobbed. I had zero doubts about my union with Joel — this wasn’t about that.

This was about my personal journey thus far, wanting to deeply honor and acknowledge who I have been as “Ashmi Pathela” before walking into marriage… my maiden self, wanting to be seen, held, and celebrated… my soul, feeling so proud of who I have become as “Ashmi Pathela” — the energy of ME that I have shared with the world.

Consciously, I knew that I was not losing anything — I will always be who I am. At the same time, I know that I am not just “Ashmi Pathela” — I am so much more, as a soul, and it is more so my attachment to this identity that I am grieving and shedding. A bittersweet goodbye that allows me to expand into more of who I truly am.

I was not sad. I felt overwhelming love and care for who I am, and who I have been… for being my own greatest support in the hardest times of my life, to get me to where I am today… for everything I have endured, for crawling through the darkness to find my own light. I have walked so much of this journey on my own — but I didn’t need to be alone anymore.

Joel and I journeyed into the depths of this, and so much more. We found forgiveness at the core, for ourselves, for past hurts, for family… I sat in meditation, visualizing myself in every year of my life — feeling suppressed emotions, sending love to my childhood and teenage self, cutting chords of attachment, forgiving and letting go.

My skin broke out a week before the wedding, and I had to viscerally feel the powerlessness, shame, and self-disgust I felt so consistently in my early teenage years. During the pre-wedding blessing on August 8th, my beautiful friends led me through a healing dance journey where I got to dance with my childhood self… sob as my teenage self… and finally love, heal, and integrate the parts of myself that I had rejected until now. My skin cleared up the day after, a symbol of the deeper healing into self-love I had gone through.

Joel and I decided to channel our vows, in deep hypnosis meditations that we did together at first, and then separately. We privately recorded our spoken-word channelings on our phones, transcribing and editing them later to be read to each other on our wedding day. This was another powerful experience, to see each other through the eyes of our higher selves, our future children, the energy of pure unconditional love.

I could say a million things about our actual wedding (and I will), but the journey leading up to our union was so profound… I had to share about it first. I don’t think our wedding can be fully described, without the context of the lead-up (which actually began years, perhaps lifetimes, ago).

We are walking into union with ourselves, and each other. Walking into the fullest light, the most brilliant love, of our hearts. Walking into full union with the magic of life.

Loving ourselves in ways we have never loved before, so that we can love each other, and the world, more deeply.

Written with love,

Ashmi